Confessions of a Troublemaker

Hi my name is Kyan!  I'm not even two yet and I'm already getting into all kinds of trouble.  Despite the best efforts of my mom, I manage to make messes several times a day.

It's so fun to stand there and watch the cereal pour out of the box onto the ground.  Or see the shampoo empty from the bottle onto my feet.  My mom will never understand the thrill of crunching potato chips into the tile with my bare feet.
She always ruins my fun!
I never like to wear a shirt longer than a few hours.  I want to wear ALL my shirts...in the same day!  So I solve the problem by finding open water bottles and cups laying around and pouring it all over the front of me.
Works every time!
The other day I set a new family record by requiring to be bathed not one, not two, but THREE times in one afternoon.  The first time I snuck into a bathroom that Keali left open (she's my partner in crime, she lets me into places I cannot go myself) and had a grand time standing in the toilet and splashing around.  The second time I reached up on the table and grabbed a bowl of soup, pouring it directly over my head.  That one was an accident because really I wanted to EAT the soup, but the bath was fun so I can't complain.  Then only 30 minutes later, I found the diaper rash medicine and smeared it all over myself, focusing primarily on my hair.  I thought I looked good in white cream, but Mom didn't like it and I ended up in the bathtub again.
It was a fun day!

How NOT to get rid of lice

As someone who has tried for almost 4 weeks to get rid of head lice, I feel I have become somewhat of an expert on the subject.  I certainly know one thing for sure:
What DOESN'T work.
At least not for these resistant little buggers.
And I've scoured the Internet and asked for advice from all my on-line friends. I've gotten a lot of suggestions, a lot of which I've tried.  I have to admit that I haven't done EVERYTHING suggested.
Some things just sound too toxic.  Other things too messy.
In any case, I thought I'd give you a list of what things DON'T work.  And also to tell you why I haven't tried some of the things that others swear by...

1) MAYONNAISE: At first this seemed a great solution.  I happened to have a Sam's-sized container of mayo in my fridge and I noticed that the mayo helped me comb the eggs and lice out.  The increased conditioning of the hair was nice after the procedure.  But I learned the hard way that the longer mayonnaise sits, the more it...MELTS.  Leaving it on for 1-2 hours wasn't bad.  But the day I left it on for almost 10 was a nightmare.  By the end the girls had grease all the way down their backs.  Getting it out of their clothes and hair was horrible.
And the SMELL!
Since then I STILL haven't wanted to look at mayo again.  And it didn't seem worth it when the lice weren't smothered as promised.

2) KEROSENE: Okay, these one I HAVEN'T tried.  I've had several people swear by this method, but I have to say I can't swallow the idea of pouring flammable liquid on my daughters' beautiful manes.  I'm too afraid the smell might ignite in me some deep camp-going instinct to light a match and make some s'mores.
And it goes without saying that although the lice will be gone, we'd have bigger problems on our hands (can we saw child abuse charges?).

3) OIL: You name it, people say to do it.  Olive, canola, vegetable...you name it.  If it's oily, it's suggested to put it on the head.  For a LONG time.  The longer the better.  And it does help a lot to comb things out.  Just make sure you use Dawn dishsoap to remove all that grease!

4) PET FLEA/TICK BATH: No, I'm not kidding.  Supposedly this gets rid of lice on humans.  However   I haven't tried it as the bottle says plain as day "Not for use on people."

5) LISTERINE/ALCOHOL/VODKA: Anything alcohol-based is supposed to make the lice die.  But I've read that it burns like the dickens.  Which I'm sure my 4 year old would hate considering she is already shedding many tears just from my combing her hair with oil!

6) CETAPHIL: I had high hopes for this one.  This skin cleanser supposedly can be blow-dried straight onto the hair and worn mess-free throughout the day, smothering lice as it sits.  However, my heart was broken as I tried to apply the sticky mess to Kiri's hair.  It was like trying to spread honey.  It didn't work at all!  I tried vainly to blow-dry it, thinking the consistency might improve.  It only thickened it further, making it seem like I had poured an entire bottle of corn syrup onto her head.
NOT helpful in the least.

7) PEANUT BUTTER: If some humans have such bad nut allergies, maybe lice do, too?  We can always hope!  Maybe spreading a container of Jiff on their heads would help.  Couldn't hurt right?  Actually this suggestion I just made up.  But it seems just as silly as other things out there!

8) ANY AND ALL OVER-THE-COUNTER/PRESCRIPTION MEDS: It seems like this has been the worst waste of money.  Everything promising to eradicate the problem does nothing.  "Apply once then repeat in 7-10 days," it says.  Problem solved.  Not so!  I don't know what the lice-fighting lab technicians have been doing lately (slacking?), but it seems that lice now-a-days are laughing and crawling right through all the stuff that USED to work.

9) AIR FRESHENER: Spray Febreeze like crazy around the head, one person wrote.  The cloud of smell will scare the lice away.
Yeah, if it doesn't suffocate you first!

10) VACUUM THE HEAD DIRECTLY: Suck up those nasty buggers all at once with a vacuum tube attachment and be done with it forever!  Sounds promising.  Until your daughter's hair gets caught in the vacuum and she's screaming so loudly you can DEFINITELY hear her over the roar of the vacuum.

11) BUZZ CUTS: We've chopped the boys' hair twice (baby Kyan still managed to get lice yesterday, though!).  But I can't bring myself to shave off my own hair or the 3 girls' hair.  I'm probably going to get it cut shorter just to aid in lice removal.
Once there aren't visible live bugs that is! (I can see the grossed-out looks of the hair dressers now!)
Ask me in another month and I'll probably be close to doing this, though!

12) BAG UP EVERYTHING: I've bagged every unnecessary pillow, blanket, stuffed animal and doll we own.  Research differs about how long you should keep it away after the last signs of bugs.  Some say 2 weeks.  Others 30 days.  Some up to 60 days.  I'm thinking maybe around next Christmas.

13) FREEZE ALL HAIRBANDS/BOWS AND BOIL ALL HAIRBRUSHES: This I have been doing.  You should have seen Jason the first day when he looked into the pot on the stove expecting to see dinner and found brushed instead.  Then he went to the freezer later for ice-cream and encountered 2 big ziplocks of hairbands.
He thought I'd gone nuts!

14) BURN DOWN YOUR HOUSE: I'm almost there.  If we weren't renting and I was sure the insurance money would reimburse not only my belongings but all the pain and heartache I've gone through fighting lice, I might consider this option. Not really, but sometimes it's REALLY tempting.

15) VACUUM/SPRAY/WASH EVERYTHING YOU OWN...EVERY DAY.  This I've been doing to the best of my ability.  I've never had a cleaner house.  I feel like I'm at a hotel each night as I slink tiredly into freshly-laundered sheets.
Except that I washed them myself.
Because of lice.
In one of 10 loads a day.
I find that to keep up with the laundry (hey, we need clothes to wear, too!) I have to do loads in the middle of the night.  So you'll find me at 3 a.m. when baby goes back to sleep throwing another load of clothes in.
And wishing to heaven that I could figure out a way to get rid of these pesky buggers!

Infested, Day 16

Day 16 of the Lice Infestation and the lice are still going strong!  Despite a strong showing by the Peterson family, the lice have pulled ahead, claiming another victim.  The mom thinks she may be afflicted now as well.
Because of the lice, the poor Peterson children not only have to endure stripping and making their beds each day, daily showers and shampoo treatments and hours of picking and combing, they also have to live like hermits.  Church has been missed twice in a row and all other unnecessary excursions have been postponed.
On the bright side, the bedding has never been cleaner.  And neither have the children for that matter!  And the girls' hair has never been shinier due to all the mayonnaise treatments.

Infested, Part 2

Well the Lice Wars continue.  And I'm afraid I'm losing the daily battles.  It seems that NOTHING can get rid of the little buggers.  No matter what I do, I still find both eggs and live bugs crawling around the 3 girls' hair each day.
Arrrgh!
I can't tell you how tiring it is to do this day after day.  Here we are on Day 7 and each day I have spent about 3.5 hours shampooing and painstakingly combing lice eggs and bugs out of their hair.  Then I've been spraying mattresses and pillows each day and washing every blanket, sheet, pillow case, mattresses topper, towel, jacket and article of clothing that comes into contact with the girls.  And boiling brushes and combs.  And we bagged and froze every last hair band and bow in the freezer.
Jason thought that was odd.  Not what he was expecting to find when he went to get some ice-cream one night.

I think the task wouldn't be so hard if it wasn't for my darned arthritic hands.  I'm in agony each night and the meals we are eating are showing it.  Lots of chicken nuggets, canned soup and cereal.
I do have to count my blessings, though.  I've been so grateful that I haven't gotten it myself.  I am super paranoid about it since I literally have them crawling on me as I de-lice the girls.  Jason checks me each night and I've been using coconut shampoo and conditioner each day, something that I've read lice don't like.  And so far I've been okay.
Thank goodness!
Next week Jason goes into the field for training.  He's been working so late each day that as far as help goes, he hasn't been able to this week anyway.  But I am praying hard that I don't contract lice while he's away.  I have no idea how I'd go about de-licing my OWN head.
I suppose I could call my Visiting Teachers:
"Uh hi!  You know how you said I could call you if I ever needed anything?  Well I need you to sit here and pick lice eggs out of my hair for an hour or two.  Sound good?"
THAT would be awkward.
In any case, at least my SECOND infestation was easier to handle.  We found ants in Kyan's bed the other day after he woke up with ant bites all over.  Terminix came out the next day and sprayed the window.  We vacuumed the room and washed all the sheets and blankets.  And so far the ants haven't returned.
Wish the lice were that considerate!

Infested

Yesterday I was sitting in Relief Society having deep spiritual thoughts when Kiri's teacher pulled me out of class.
"Your daughter has bugs in her hair," she whispered to me in the hallway.
"Bugs?" I asked.  "Like in LICE?"
I was surprised.  I thought being home-schooled would save us from the typical elementary school horrors such as lice and bullying.
Not so.
We stood in the hallway inspecting poor Kiri's head.  I couldn't say for sure that what we were seeing was lice, having not seen it since my elementary school days myself.  But one thing was for sure, Kiri had several winged bugs crawling around on top of her head.
Great, just great!
On the way home, all I could think was how my plans of sitting on the couch editing Christmas pictures, watching movies and generally bumming around had been eradicated.  So much for a relaxing Sunday!
After church Jason and I thoroughly inspected Kiri's head, comparing what we found with Internet pictures.  We were still confused since we didn't see any eggs.  We ruled out other possibilities, such as bed bugs and fleas.
"Termites?" I asked.
"Only if she has a head made of wood," Jason said, rolling his eyes.

In the end I made an emergency trip to Walmart to buy some lice shampoo and spray.  We also found a few bugs in Keali and Makelle's hair.  And even though I do my darndest not to shop on Sundays, I was filing this incident under EMERGENCY.
It took the rest of the day to de-lice the girl's room.  The night before they had unfortunately taken ever unused sleeping bag, blanket and pillow into their room to play house with.  So thus began the never-ending process of washing ever stitch of fabric in their room.  We vacuumed and sprayed mattresses and pillows.  All after first having treated all 5 children's hair (and ourselves) with lice shampoo.  And for good measure, Jason gave the boys a haircut.
They needed one anyway.
It never ceases to amaze me how different Kyan looks when you cut off his cute curls.  He looked so different that when he walked in the bathroom where I was de-licing hair, I practically wanted to introduce myself.
"Who is this baby?" I wondered out loud.

After doing laundry all day, I STILL have a mountain to face today. 
Sigh. 
Life as a mother is exhausting!

The Christmas Ball

What's it like going to a military Christmas Ball?  Well, the fun of the experience depends on one thing: whether or not you drink alcohol.
And seeing as how Jason and I don't drink, the experience was considerably less fun for us then everyone else we were with.
A few days ago Jason and I attended the annual Christmas Ball of Jason's Brigade.  I ran and bought a new dress that afternoon and then had my hair cut and styled.  

We hired a babysitter (a girl from church) to come and sit with our kids.  This was a very exciting thing for the kids considering we haven't hired a babysitter since...2008.
Maybe even 2007.
The girls kept saying all day, "Mom's picking up a friend to play with us tonight!"  They had a good time.  So good in fact that Kiri declared later that night that she wished we could adopt Jackie and make her an official sister.

We knew that there was going to be a lot of drinking at the event.  In the picture above you can see one of the bars conveniently located behind our table.  Everyone already knew that Jason doesn't drink, but that didn't stop them from trying to spike his coke behind his back.  The teasing was inevitable too.  
Knowing I was expecting, they teased Jason, "What, YOU expecting, too?"  Can you see my baby bump?

As the traditional speakers and ceremonies dragged on, the people around us got more and more drunk.  The laughter got louder, the beer can stacks got higher and I felt more and more uncomfortable (see the beer stack in the background).

 We only got to dance for about 10-15 minutes before we had to run home and take our babysitter back since it was a school night.  And even though being in that atmosphere wasn't my favorite, it was fun to get all dressed up and have a night to ourselves.  And it was good to put faces to the names Jason tells me every day!

An Early Turkey Dinner...For Our Cats

I bought the biggest turkey I could find...24 lbs...for Thanksgiving dinner in anticipation of the 20 people we would be feeding.  Because we didn't have room in the fridge, Jason and I decided to store the turkey in a cooler in the garage.
In hindsight, this was a very bad idea.
Why?  Because of the two cats that live in the garage.  That's why.
Late at night Mr. Fu and Kiwi must have gotten a turkey craving and decided to try and break into our turkey safe.  I still can't believe they managed to get the cooler open!  They pushed over the handle then nudged off the lid.  After that they had to gnaw through the tough plastic packaging.  The entire wing was broken and hanging by the skin!
This afternoon Jaron came in with the grim news: our turkey had been attacked by wild animals.  Answering to the names of Mr. Fu and Kiwi.
Those naughty turkey-loving kitties!